Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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