I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
