Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
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