I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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