So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
