you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
