Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
