In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
