I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
