So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
