omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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