You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I think your dad took our porno
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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