I think my vagina is haunted
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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