we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
