the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
