Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
