OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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