After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
