Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
