i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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