i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
