Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
