it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
