We need to rekindle our bromance
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
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