Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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