Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
