Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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