i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
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