never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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