I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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