if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
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