1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
