I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
