Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
