i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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