Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
