first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
