i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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