I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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