so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
