Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
