Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
