I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
