You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
