so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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