So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
