Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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