hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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