I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
