This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
