He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
