I wish I could teleport
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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