i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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