I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
He better not be in your backpack
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
