I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
