Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
