i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
