does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
A+ Viking dick
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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