I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
