Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
