Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
