dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I think your dad took our porno
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Enjoy the penises
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
