weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
