Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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