Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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