make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
