Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I wish I only lived at night.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
