he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
