i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
