Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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