I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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