a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Randomize
