I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
