Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
