My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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