this beer tastes like vomit already
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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