he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
