A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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