Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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