I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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